Tuesday, 4 February 2014
Second Style Model Piece 2
Pride
and Prejudice and Zombies by
Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
It is a truth universally acknowledged that zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains. Never was this truth more plain than during the recent attacks at Netherfield Park, in which a household of eighteen was slaughtered and consumed by a horde of the living dead.
“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Park is occupied again?”
Mr. Bennet replied that he had not and went about his morning business of dagger sharpening and musket polishing—for attacks by the unmentionables had grown alarmingly frequent in recent weeks.
“But it is,” returned she.
Mr. Bennet made no answer.
“Do you not want to know who has taken it?” cried his wife impatiently.
“Woman, I am attending to my musket. Prattle on if you must, but leave me to the defense of my estate!”
This was invitation enough.
“Why, my dear, Mrs. Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young man of large fortune; that he escaped London in a chaise and four just as the strange plague broke through the Manchester line.”
“What is his name?”
“Bingley. A single man of four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!”
“How so? Can he train them in the ways of swordsmanship and musketry?”
“How can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them.”
“Marriage? In times such as these? Surely this Bingley has no such designs.”
“Designs! Nonsense, how can you talk so! It is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him as soon as he comes.”
“I see no occasion for that. And besides, we mustn’t busy the roads more than is absolutely necessary, lest we lose more horses and carriages to the unfortunate scourge that has so troubled our beloved Hertfordshire of late.”
“But consider your daughters!”
“I am considering them, silly woman! I would much prefer their minds be engaged in the deadly arts than clouded with dreams of marriage and fortune, as your own so clearly is! Go and see this Bingley if you must, though I warn you that none of our girls has much to recommend them; they are all silly and ignorant like their mother, the exception being Lizzy, who has something more of the killer instinct than her sisters.”
“Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.”
“You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard of little else these last twenty years at least.”
Mr. Bennet was so odd a mixture of quick parts, sarcastic humour, reserve, and self-discipline, that the experience of three-and-twenty years had been insufficient to make his wife understand his character. Her mind was less difficult to develop. She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented, she fancied herself nervous. And when she was nervous—as she was nearly all the time since the first outbreak of the strange plague in her youth—she sought solace in the comfort of the traditions which now seemed mere trifles to others.
The business of Mr. Bennet’s life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennet’s was to get them married.
First Style Model Piece 2
Little
Snow-White
Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Once upon
a time in midwinter, when the snowflakes were falling like feathers from
heaven, a queen sat sewing at her window, which had a frame of black ebony
wood. As she sewed she looked up at the snow and pricked her finger with her
needle. Three drops of blood fell into the snow. The red on the white looked so
beautiful that she thought to herself, "If only I had a child as white as
snow, as red as blood, and as black as the wood in this frame."
Soon
afterward she had a little daughter who was as white as snow, as red as blood,
and as black as ebony wood, and therefore they called her Little Snow-White.
And as soon as the child was born, the queen died.
A year
later the king took himself another wife. She was a beautiful woman, but she
was proud and arrogant, and she could not stand it if anyone might surpass her
in beauty. She had a magic mirror. Every morning she stood before it, looked at
herself, and said:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
Who in this land is fairest of all?
To this
the mirror answered:
You, my queen, are fairest of
all.
Then she
was satisfied, for she knew that the mirror spoke the truth.
Snow-White
grew up and became ever more beautiful. When she was seven years old she was as
beautiful as the light of day, even more beautiful than the queen herself.
One day
when the queen asked her mirror:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
Who in this land is fairest of all?
It
answered:
You, my queen, are fair; it is
true.
But Snow-White is a thousand times fairer than you.
But Snow-White is a thousand times fairer than you.
The queen
took fright and turned yellow and green with envy. From that hour on whenever
she looked at Snow-White her heart turned over inside her body, so great was
her hatred for the girl. The envy and pride grew ever greater, like a weed in
her heart, until she had no peace day and night.
Then she
summoned a huntsman and said to him, "Take Snow-White out into the woods.
I never want to see her again. Kill her, and as proof that she is dead bring
her lungs and her liver back to me."
The
huntsman obeyed and took Snow-White into the woods. He took out his hunting
knife and was about to stab it into her innocent heart when she began to cry,
saying, "Oh, dear huntsman, let me live. I will run into the wild woods
and never come back."
Because
she was so beautiful the huntsman took pity on her, and he said, "Run
away, you poor child."
He
thought, "The wild animals will soon devour you anyway," but still it
was as if a stone had fallen from his heart, for he would not have to kill her.
Just then
a young boar came running by. He killed it, cut out its lungs and liver, and
took them back to the queen as proof of Snow-White's death. The cook had to
boil them with salt, and the wicked woman ate them, supposing that she had
eaten Snow-White's lungs and liver.
The poor
child was now all alone in the great forest, and she was so afraid that she
just looked at all the leaves on the trees and did not know what to do. Then
she began to run. She ran over sharp stones and through thorns, and wild
animals jumped at her, but they did her no harm. She ran as far as her feet
could carry her, and just as evening was about to fall she saw a little house
and went inside in order to rest.
Inside
the house everything was small, but so neat and clean that no one could say
otherwise. There was a little table with a white tablecloth and seven little
plates, and each plate had a spoon, and there were seven knives and forks and
seven mugs as well. Against the wall there were seven little beds, all standing
in a row and covered with snow-white sheets.
Because
she was so hungry and thirsty Snow-White ate a few vegetables and a little
bread from each little plate, and from each mug she drank a drop of wine.
Afterward, because she was so tired, she lay down on a bed, but none of them
felt right -- one was too long, the other too short -- until finally the
seventh one was just right. She remained lying in it, entrusted herself to God,
and fell asleep.
After
dark the masters of the house returned home. They were the seven dwarfs who
picked and dug for ore in the mountains. They lit their seven candles, and as
soon as it was light in their house they saw that someone had been there, for
not everything was in the same order as they had left it.
The first
one said, "Who has been sitting in my chair?"
The
second one, "Who has been eating from my plate?"
The third
one, "Who has been eating my bread?"
The
fourth one, "Who has been eating my vegetables?"
The fifth
one, "Who has been sticking with my fork?"
The sixth
one, "Who has been cutting with my knife?"
The
seventh one, "Who has been drinking from my mug?"
Then the
first one saw a that there was a little imprint in his bed, and said, "Who
stepped on my bed?"
The
others came running up and shouted, "Someone has been lying in mine as
well."
But the
seventh one, looking at his bed, found Snow-White lying there asleep. The seven
dwarfs all came running up, and they cried out with amazement. They fetched
their seven candles and shone the light on Snow-White. "Oh good heaven! Oh
good heaven!" they cried. "This child is so beautiful!"
They were
so happy, that they did not wake her up, but let her continue to sleep there in
the bed. The seventh dwarf had to sleep with his companions, one hour with each
one, and then the night was done.
The next
morning Snow-White woke up, and when she saw the seven dwarfs she was
frightened. But they were friendly and asked, "What is your name?"
"My
name is Snow-White," she answered.
"How
did you find your way to our house?" the dwarfs asked further.
Then she
told them that her stepmother had tried to kill her, that the huntsman had
spared her life, and that she had run the entire day, finally coming to their
house.
The
dwarfs said, "If you will keep house for us, and cook, make beds, wash,
sew, and knit, and keep everything clean and orderly, then you can stay with
us, and you shall have everything that you want."
"Yes,"
said Snow-White, "with all my heart."
So she kept
house for them. Every morning they went into the mountains looking for ore and
gold, and in the evening when they came back home their meal had to be ready.
During the day the girl was alone.
The good
dwarfs warned her, saying, "Be careful about your stepmother. She will
soon know that you are here. Do not let anyone in."
Now the
queen, believing that she had eaten Snow-White's lungs and liver, could only
think that she was again the first and the most beautiful woman of all. She
stepped before her mirror and said:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
Who in this land is fairest of all?
It
answered:
You, my queen, are fair; it is
true.
But Snow-White, beyond the mountains
With the seven dwarfs,
Is still a thousand times fairer than you.
But Snow-White, beyond the mountains
With the seven dwarfs,
Is still a thousand times fairer than you.
This
startled the queen, for she knew that the mirror did not lie, and she realized
that the huntsman had deceived her, and that Snow-White was still alive. Then
she thought, and thought again, how she could kill Snow-White, for as long as
long as she was not the most beautiful woman in the entire land her envy would
give her no rest.
At last
she thought of something. Coloring her face, she disguised herself as an old
peddler woman, so that no one would recognize her. In this disguise she went to
the house of the seven dwarfs. Knocking on the door she called out,
"Beautiful wares for sale, for sale!"
Snow-White
peered out the window and said, "Good day, dear woman, what do you have
for sale?"
"Good
wares, beautiful wares," she answered. "Bodice laces in all
colors." And she took out one that was braided from colorful silk.
"Would you like this one?"
"I
can let that honest woman in," thought Snow-White, then unbolted the door
and bought the pretty bodice lace.
"Child,"
said the old woman, "how you look! Come, let me lace you up
properly."
The
unsuspecting Snow-White stood before her and let her do up the new lace, but
the old woman pulled so quickly and so hard that Snow-White could not breathe.
"You
used to be the most beautiful one," said the old woman, and hurried away.
Not long
afterward, in the evening time, the seven dwarfs came home. How terrified they
were when they saw their dear Snow-White lying on the ground, not moving at
all, as though she were dead. They lifted her up, and, seeing that she was too
tightly laced, they cut the lace in two. Then she began to breathe a little,
and little by little she came back to life.
When the
dwarfs heard what had happened they said, "The old peddler woman was no
one else but the godless queen. Take care and let no one in when we are not
with you."
When the
wicked woman returned home she went to her mirror and asked:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
Who in this land is fairest of all?
The
mirror answered once again:
You, my queen, are fair; it is
true.
But Snow-White, beyond the mountains
With the seven dwarfs,
Is still a thousand times fairer than you.
But Snow-White, beyond the mountains
With the seven dwarfs,
Is still a thousand times fairer than you.
When she
heard that, all her blood ran to her heart because she knew that Snow-White had
come back to life.
"This
time," she said, "I shall think of something that will destroy
you."
Then with
the art of witchcraft, which she understood, she made a poisoned comb. Then she
disguised herself, taking the form of a different old woman. Thus she went
across the seven mountains to the seven dwarfs, knocked on the door, and called
out, "Good wares for sale, for sale!"
Snow-White
looked out and said, "Go on your way. I am not allowed to let anyone
in."
"You
surely may take a look," said the old woman, pulling out the poisoned comb
and holding it up. The child liked it so much that she let herself be deceived,
and she opened the door.
After
they had agreed on the purchase, the old woman said, "Now let me comb your
hair properly."
She had
barely stuck the comb into Snow-White's hair when the poison took effect, and
the girl fell down unconscious.
"You
specimen of beauty," said the wicked woman, "now you are
finished." And she walked away.
Fortunately
it was almost evening, and the seven dwarfs came home. When they saw Snow-White
lying on the ground as if she were dead, they immediately suspected her
stepmother. They examined her and found the poisoned comb. They had scarcely
pulled it out when Snow-White came to herself again and told them what had
happened. Once again they warned her to be on guard and not to open the door
for anyone.
Back at
home the queen stepped before her mirror and said:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
Who in this land is fairest of all?
The
mirror answered:
You, my queen, are fair; it is
true.
But Snow-White, beyond the mountains
With the seven dwarfs,
Is still a thousand times fairer than you.
But Snow-White, beyond the mountains
With the seven dwarfs,
Is still a thousand times fairer than you.
When the
queen heard the mirror saying this, she shook and trembled with anger,
"Snow-White shall die," she shouted, "if it costs me my
life!"
Then she
went into her most secret room -- no one else was allowed inside -- and she
made a poisoned, poisoned apple. From the outside it was beautiful, white with
red cheeks, and anyone who saw it would want it. But anyone who might eat a
little piece of it would died. Then, coloring her face, she disguised herself
as a peasant woman, and thus went across the seven mountains to the seven
dwarfs. She knocked on the door.
Snow-White
stuck her head out the window and said, "I am not allowed to let anyone
in. The dwarfs have forbidden me to do so."
"That
is all right with me," answered the peasant woman. "I'll easily get
rid of my apples. Here, I'll give you one of them."
"No,"
said Snow-White, "I cannot accept anything."
"Are
you afraid of poison?" asked the old woman. "Look, I'll cut the apple
in two. You eat the red half, and I shall eat the white half."
Now the
apple had been so artfully made that only the red half was poisoned. Snow-White
longed for the beautiful apple, and when she saw that the peasant woman was
eating part of it she could no longer resist, and she stuck her hand out and
took the poisoned half. She barely had a bite in her mouth when she fell to the
ground dead.
The queen
looked at her with a gruesome stare, laughed loudly, and said, "White as
snow, red as blood, black as ebony wood! This time the dwarfs cannot awaken
you."
Back at
home she asked her mirror:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
Who in this land is fairest of all?
It
finally answered:
You, my queen, are fairest of
all.
Then her
envious heart was at rest, as well as an envious heart can be at rest.
When the
dwarfs came home that evening they found Snow-White lying on the ground. She
was not breathing at all. She was dead. They lifted her up and looked for
something poisonous. They undid her laces. They combed her hair. They washed
her with water and wine. But nothing helped. The dear child was dead, and she
remained dead. They laid her on a bier, and all seven sat next to her and
mourned for her and cried for three days. They were going to bury her, but she
still looked as fresh as a living person, and still had her beautiful red
cheeks.
They
said, "We cannot bury her in the black earth," and they had a
transparent glass coffin made, so she could be seen from all sides. They laid
her inside, and with golden letters wrote on it her name, and that she was a
princess. Then they put the coffin outside on a mountain, and one of them
always stayed with it and watched over her. The animals too came and mourned
for Snow-white, first an owl, then a raven, and finally a dove.
Snow-White
lay there in the coffin a long, long time, and she did not decay, but looked
like she was asleep, for she was still as white as snow and as red as blood,
and as black-haired as ebony wood.
Now it
came to pass that a prince entered these woods and happened onto the dwarfs'
house, where he sought shelter for the night. He saw the coffin on the mountain
with beautiful Snow-White in it, and he read what was written on it with golden
letters.
Then he
said to the dwarfs, "Let me have the coffin. I will give you anything you
want for it."
But the
dwarfs answered, "We will not sell it for all the gold in the world."
Then he
said, "Then give it to me, for I cannot live without being able to see
Snow-White. I will honor her and respect her as my most cherished one."
As he thus
spoke, the good dwarfs felt pity for him and gave him the coffin. The prince
had his servants carry it away on their shoulders. But then it happened that
one of them stumbled on some brush, and this dislodged from Snow-White's throat
the piece of poisoned apple that she had bitten off. Not long afterward she
opened her eyes, lifted the lid from her coffin, sat up, and was alive again.
"Good
heavens, where am I?" she cried out.
The
prince said joyfully, "You are with me." He told her what had
happened, and then said, "I love you more than anything else in the world.
Come with me to my father's castle. You shall become my wife." Snow-White
loved him, and she went with him. Their wedding was planned with great splendor
and majesty.
Snow-White's
godless stepmother was also invited to the feast. After putting on her
beautiful clothes she stepped before her mirror and said:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
Who in this land is fairest of all?
The
mirror answered:
You, my
queen, are fair; it is true.
But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you.
But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you.
The
wicked woman uttered a curse, and she became so frightened, so frightened, that
she did not know what to do. At first she did not want to go to the wedding,
but she found no peace. She had to go and see the young queen. When she arrived
she recognized Snow-White, and terrorized, she could only stand there without
moving.
Then they
put a pair of iron shoes into burning coals. They were brought forth with tongs
and placed before her. She was forced to step into the red-hot shoes and dance
until she fell down dead.
- Source: Jacob and Wilhelm
Grimm, Sneewittchen, Kinder- und Hausmärchen,
(Children's and Household Tales -- Grimms' Fairy Tales), final edition
(Berlin, 1857), no. 53
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