My First Draft

Goodnight, Sweetheart- Monologue 1^st Draft

Previously in the play, we have followed the life of Private Freddie Peterson, a young man who was called up to war when he was 22yrs old. We have met his parents, Edith and William, and his two younger twin sisters, Rita and Penny. At the end of Act One, Freddie found out that his wife, Lucy, is pregnant. The start of Act Two was a monologue by Freddie, reading a letter from his wife. From this letter, we discover that Freddie has been in the trenches for months and his wife has given birth to a son, she called him Charlie.

(Set in the trenches of the front line in France during WW1. The stage is set up to look like the cross-section of a trench with the centre of the stage being open as the trench. Stage left and stage right are higher platforms and they form the walls of the trench and no-man’s land. All over the raised ‘no-man’s land’ are large wooden crosses/stars that are wrapped with barbed wire and there are holes and shallows etc. The back of the stage is higher and built up with debris; like pieces of wood, dead trees and mud piles. The back wall of the stage is a projected backdrop that can change. At the beginning of the monologue, it is black to signify the night sky. In the trench, there is an exit leading off the back for the actors to enter and exit through. Lanterns hang from the walls of the trench on stage right, the side that the actors enter and exit from. There are ladders leading up the left side walls and men are clutching rings. There are lots of men all cramped together with the main character at the front with the other principle roles. Sergeant Nichols is barking orders, and the men are making anxious noises. They are preparing to go over the top. The stage lights are a dim yellow, exaggerating the light from the candles/lanterns. As Sergeant Nichols blows the whistle, all the lights dim until the only light is coming from the on-stage lanterns etc. This leaves no-man’s land in darkness. Every action slows down, the men start to slowly climb the ladders but Freddie stands still, facing the trench wall.)

Pause

Freddie: (breathing heavily) Everything seems to slow down. I know that can’t possibly be true but that’s how it feels. I can feel the air stirring around me as the others brush past and climb the ladder in front of me. The air feels cold; it makes the hairs on my arms rise, gives me the shivers. Or maybe it’s just that someone has stepped on my grave. That’s what Pa used to say. Pa (sigh)...he would think me a coward. (Pause) I’m stuck here; I can’t move, I can’t climb the ladder, I can’t fight. I try to swallow back my pitiful tears but the grains of mud in my mouth scratch the back of my throat and leave it raw.  My eyes are burning, my ears are ringing and my hands are shaking. And I still...can’t...move. Over my head the cries of the others, the braver men, echo. They travel down the trenches, carrying the pain their owners felt. Those cries linger and they’re shrieking in my ears. COWARD!

(Another man is still in the trench and he inches towards Freddie. He opens his mouth to yell.)

Freddie: (still facing the trench wall, yelling) OI! GET UP THERE YOU COWARD! GET UP THERE AND FIGHT!

(The man edges closer towards Freddie and lifts his rifle.)

Freddie: (meekly) He’s yelling at me. He’s calling me a coward. He says that I have to go up there or he’ll shoot me himself, Sergeant’s orders.

(The man cocks his rifle and aims at the back of Freddie’s head. He is about to fire the shot when another man emerges from the darkness and starts to descend the ladder. The soldier who was about to shoot Freddie swings around and shoot the other man instead. With the loud bang, Freddie’s head snaps towards the man and he begins to scramble up the ladder.)

Freddie: (muttering) He shot him, he just turned around and shot him. One of our own, he shot one our own, he shot him. I can hear him, he’s whimpering, he’s moaning; (crying) “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. God have mercy on him, God have mercy on me for my wickedness.” (muttering again) I’ve gotta get my head straight, gotta start thinking right.

(Freddie continues to mutter nonsensically. Everything is oddly still but the sounds of battle can be heard in the back ground. The stage is covered in the bodies of the men who went over the top. They lie scattered over each other and slumped on the wooden crosses. There is a slight yellow/red light fading in and the backdrop shows the sunrise. The positioning of the lights creates shadows and visibility is still quite low. A platform slides silently from the set and covers the trench and the lights in the trench go out. Bright flashes light the stage at intervals.)

Freddie: (muttering to himself) Gotta keep going, gotta think straight. (The lights flash) AH! It’s ok Freddie, it’s all right. Just a bomb, nowhere near you chap, just keep going, gotta keep going. Just ignore it, Freddie, just ignore it. You gotta keep going mate, you just gotta. No going back now Freddie, there’s no going back now.

(Freddie travels over the stage, jumping and shying at every sound. His muttering gets faster and louder until he trips over something and lands face to face with another soldier.)

Freddie: (shoving himself away from the body) Sarge! It’s Sarge! No... Sarge can’t be dead, he said himself, he’s been here too long to die now. No Sarge... stop it, stop looking at me. He’s just staring at me, his eyes are blank and lifeless but they’re staring at me. (Yelling) STOP STARING AT ME!

(Freddie scrambles back to his feet and runs, tripping over things as he does. He makes his way across the stage and scrambles back across again over the debris at the back of the stage. There is no light and all that can be heard is the sounds of Freddie’s heavy breathing and the blasts of bombs that are steadily growing louder. There is a bright flash of light and a loud explosion as he throws himself off the debris and onto the floor. He lands in a slight hole (like a shell hole) in the back left of the stage. He curls up in a ball and moans, clutching his head and chest and curling in on himself. Freddie is now covered in blood and it trickles down his face as he sits up among the debris, looking out at the audience. His breathing is laboured and the lights keep flashing, but the only sound is a slight ringing that is barely noticeable.)

Freddie: (squinting out into the audience) Ma? Is that you? I can see you Ma! I always knew you were right here with me! Who’s that behind you, Ma? (shaking his head) No... No, Lucy! It’s too dangerous for you here, you have to go home! (Gasp, whispering) Is that... Charlie? (A bloody grin on his face) My baby boy, my son... Ma, take them home! I need them safe, please! (Freddie’s head swings to the right of the audience.) Pa!? Please, Pa, take them home! All of you go back to England, please! Rita, Penny, you tell them. Tell them to go home!

(Freddie stops panicking and his face relaxes. He gazes pleadingly out at the audience and slowly starts to shuffle/crawl toward the front centre of the stage. The sounds of the bombs and guns increase as he gets closer and closer to the front.)

Freddie: They’re talking to me; they’re telling me stories about home, about good old Blightly and the village. Rita and Penny are talking about the time we tried to catch fish with our bare hands in the brook out behind the old wood. (He holds his hands out in front of him and looks at them in wonder) I can still feel the way the fish slid through my fingers, my clumsy hands no match for their slimy scales. (He tilts his face up) I can still feel the sun beating down on the back of my neck and Rita; you were complaining that you were too hot. You were so hot Rita that I had to throw you in the brook, d’you remember that? (He chuckles sadly) I do, that was the day we met Lucy. You heard us shrieking and came to see what all the fuss was about. That was always one of my favourite things about you Lu; you always had a sense of adventure. You were so curious about everything; we made a good team, eh? I always got us into trouble and you always got us out of it! Do you remember our wedding? Of course you do, how could I be so silly? (He smiles at his memory) You were so beautiful that day. When the church doors opened and you stepped in on your father’s arm, the light surrounded you like a halo. You were an angel, Lu, I married an angel.

(Freddie crawls forward as if in a trance and as he reaches the front of the stage, the lights flash brighter and more frequently and the noise gets louder and louder. Freddie looks around him desperately.)

Freddie: (Panicking) NO! I want more time, I need more time! I’m not ready to die yet, I want to go home, I want to see Lucy, and I want to meet Charlie. I want to play with my sisters at the brook and help Pa in the shop. I want to hold Ma and tell her that this isn't the end. I will see you again; I promise I will see you again.

(The noise grows louder and louder and the flashes are brighter and faster, like strobe lighting. Freddie scrambles to his feet and tries to run, but trips over everything. We hear the shouts of other men, Freddie's friends, yelling lines from previously in the play that describe their perception of what you feel the moments before you die.)

Freddie: (yelling) I love you Lucy! Tell our son about me! Don’t let him forget me! Pa, I’m scared, help me to be brave, please help me to be brave! Don’t leave me here on my own Ma! I NEED you, please don’t leave me here Ma! NO!

(With a final bright flash of light, and a roar from Freddie, the stage is black and silent. The lights come up in a dim red wash, showing that the stage is littered with bodies. They are piled on top of one another and they are draped over the wooden crosses covered with barbed wire. The men cover every space of the stage, with Freddie lying among them. The lights go down.)

Speech Count: 780       Stage Direction and Info Count: 1078

My Plan

Style Features For My First Piece

• In my monologue, I feel that stage directions are important because they will help build an atmosphere and paint a picture in the reader/listener's head of the visuals and scenes they would be seeing if they were to hear the monologue in it's intended setting. The stage directions must be clear and detailed but not overwhelming because it can often detract from the actual speech.
• I also think that similes and metaphors will help with creating a mental picture of what is going on and also allow the reader to experience the thoughts and memories of the soldier more clearly. This will allow them to get more of an experience from reading/listening to the monologue.
• Anecdotes bring the reader/listener closer to the character and allow a friendly bond to form. They are often personal and this makes the reader feel special and more emotionally attached to the soldier and therefore they will react more when the soldier feels pain and distress or does eventually die. These anecdotes must be clear images in their own right to make them realistic and authentic, otherwise it will detract from the performance and leave the reader unsatisfied.
• Direct address and rhetorical questions involve the reader to a degree where they almost feel like they are there with the soldiers. By saying 'we' or 'you', the speaker is addressing the reader personally and because of this, the reader is more likely to feel stronger emotions.
• I think that the language I use is very important. I must keep the language authentic to the time and also I must choose a dialect and accent and stick to it ( English, Buckinghamshire accent). Using slang and idioms from the time will help with the authenticity of the monologue. Apart from the phonology of the monologue, I think that I must  use emotive language in my writing. This monologue is focused on evoking emotions in the reader and displaying the emotions of the character and I feel that it is important that this is done to its full potential by including personal opinions from the character and quotes from his past (eg. something his father used to say etc.)
• Structurally, I want to use complicated to simple sentence structure. I find that this builds tension and suspense but it can also create wonder and excitement. It also keeps a piece of writing interesting and stops the reader from getting bored by the repetitive nature of the piece.
• With the phonology of the piece, I want to make the speech quite dynamic. By using alliteration, assonance and onomatopoeia, I can make words sound harsher or softer, building an atmosphere and giving an impression on the scene. Onomatopoeia especially, helps to play on the listener's senses and give an idea of the sounds present in a war, thereby allowing them to paint a picture of the scene it's sounds etc.
• Because my monologue is based in WW1, it is important that I have a good knowledge of the mannerisms and etiquette of the time. I must make sure that I use correct names for places and battles and the right dates, as well as ensuring that i am giving characters the appropriate title for their rank within the army. Also, knowledge of weapons etc is important. I must use context-bound language to authenticate my writing. This is particularly important because my target audience is people who will have experienced war situations or lived in a time that was effected by war (particularly the older generations).

My Fourth Style Model/ Source Material

My fourth and final style model is the transcript of the play Journey's End written by R.C. Sherriff. I have chosen this primarily for it's vocabulary and style of speaking which was used during the first world war. I particularly like the way that some words spoken by characters such as Mason, are spelt the way they would sound using the dialect that he uses. It is clear from reading the play that the language in the 1910s differs greatly to the language most of us use today. To keep my monologue authentic and believable, I must make sure that I use the correct language and appropriate slangs. I have watched the film adaptation many times to gain a firmer grasp of the accents, however, as I am writing a monologue, I feel that the original transcript for the play would be of greater value as a style model.

As well as being important in helping me linguistically and phonologically, this transcript is based on the real-life experiences of the author. It mirrors 'the way he and his comrades lived and fought and re-lives some of it's incidents'. As a book first published just over ten years after the war and also written by someone who experienced the war first hand, I know that this is a credible piece of literature and I can depend on it to give me an insight to life in the trenches of the first world war.

My Third Style Model/ Source Material

My third piece is Private Peaceful by Michael Morpurgo. I know that I have already chosen another Michael Morpurgo story but I find that the messages he manages to get across and the way he manages to evoke emotions is very skilled and he is a beautiful writer. I particularly like the way he builds relationships between characters and also his clear knowledge and understanding of the war and it's environment. Here are a few quotes from the book. Most of the book is about remembering the past and this is something that I want to use in my monologue also. 

Pg 1

‘They’ve gone now, and I’m alone at last. I have the whole night ahead of me, and I won’t waste a single moment of it. I shan’t sleep it away either. I mustn’t, because every moment of it will be far too precious.

I want to try to remember everything, just as it was, just as it happened. I’ve had nearly eighteen years of yesterdays and tomorrows, and tonight I must remember as many of them as I can. I want tonight to be long, as long as my life, not filled with fleeting dreams that rush me on towards dawn.
Tonight, more than any other night of my life, I want to feel alive.’

Pg47

‘Tonight I want very much to believe there’s a heaven, that, as Father said, there is a new life after death, that death is not a full stop, and that we will all see one another again.’

Pg77

‘There’s a sliver of a moon out there, a new moon. I wonder if they’re looking at it back home. Bertha used to howl at the moon, I remember. If I had a coin in my pocket, I’d turn it over and make a wish. When I was young I really believed in them.

But I mustn’t think like that. It’s no good wishing for the impossible. Don’t wish, Tommo. Remember. Remembrances are real.’

Pg119

‘I dropped off to sleep. I’ve lost precious minutes- I don’t know how many, but they are minutes I can never have back. I should be able by now to fight off sleep. I’ve done it often enough on look-out in the trenches, but then I had cold or fear or both as my wakeful companions. I long for that moment of surrender to sleep, just to drift away into the warmth of nothingness. Resist it, Tommo, resist it. After this night is over, then you can drift away, then you can sleep for ever, for nothing will ever matter again.’

 Pg150

‘Morning here has always been to wake with the same dread in the pit of my stomach, knowing that I will have to look death in the face again, that up to now it may have been someone else’s death, but that today it could be mine, that this may be my last sunrise, my last day on earth.’

Pg166

‘When their attack comes, in the pearly light of dawn, it falters before it even gets near our wire. Our machine gunners see to that, knocking them down like thousands of grey skittles, never to rise again. My hands are shaking so much I can hardly reload my rifle. When they recoil and turn and run we wait for the whistle and then go out over the top. I go because the others go, moving forward as if in a trance, as if outside myself altogether. I find myself suddenly on my knees and I don’t know why. There is blood pouring down my face, and my head is wracked with a sudden burning pain so terrible that I feel it must burst. I feel myself falling out of my dream down into a world of swirling darkness. I am being beckoned into a world I have never been to before where it is warm and comforting and all-enveloping. I know I a dying my own death, and I welcome it.’

 

 

 

I like the way the author includes quotes from the character's past (as Father said, there is a new life after death, that death is not a full stop, and that we will all see one another again.) I think this builds a familiarity between the character and the listener and the audience will respond more emotionally when the character is experiencing pain and distress. I also like the use of similes and metaphors through-out the book and I have highlighted some of my favourites above. The imagery is detailed and intense and, in some cases, scary or haunting. Another feature used by the author is the way that sometimes, Tommo, the main character, talks to himself instead of telling the story (Resist it, Tommo, resist it.) I feel that the structure is very effective in building tension and emotion levels without being too overwhelming for the reader and, I think, this is a very important skill to master. Repetition is another feature that I think the author uses well to highlight what is important to the character. The word 'remember' is repeated a lot and I think that this emphasises the fact that the characters want to remember the good things and live in the past, rather than be stuck in their present day. The personification of things like 'cold and fear' makes them more tangible and real. This means that they are more intimidating and create more of a threatening atmosphere. All of the character's senses are exploited often through-out the book and by doing this, the author is giving the reader an insight into how the character is feel and what they are feeling. As a result of this you get to experience what they experience too and this means your viewing or listening experience is total and visceral.

My Second Style Model/ Source Material Part 2

My other section from the War Horse script is a section of dialogue and directions between Albert and his comrades. I find the scene shows the brotherhood between those boys and men fighting together and I also think that the content is really useful for ideas and more background information on the constant on-edge feeling experienced by those fighting in the war. Their choice of vocabulary is also helpful to me, and it will help me gain an understanding of the way people spoke and when people spoke.

Pg. 80-83 War Horse script (visual direction/descriptions and dialogue)

'David now heads up the ladder first. Gun fire overhead, Albert steels himself, then hauls himself over the top, followed by the next man and the next. Immediately machine gun fire whistles past, we hear the screams of the first men who are shot. We follow Albert. We are him. His vision. His experience. The ground is blasted, there are bodies all around him. He tries to run but his feet sink into the mud. Bullets fly past him. Felled men are screaming at his feet in fear and agony. Albert staggers forward. David is now right by him. They run together. Albert looks round and suddenly, David is hit. He falls to the ground, screaming.

DAVID

I'm shot! No!

Albert instinctively goes to help. Bullets shower all around him.

DAVID (CONT'D)

Just leave me. Leave me!

Albert grabs him and drags him onwards with him – David screaming at the pain - Albert grimly determined. Shells explode around them as they stumble on. Other men are running and falling. Albert sees cover in a huge shell-hole so dives into it for a moment's reprieve from the gun fire. He sits in still terror for a moment.

ALBERT

You'll be all right here. You'll be safe. Someone'll come for ya.

DAVID

Albert. Albert, listen...

ALBERT

It's all right. It's all right.

We're Devon boys, yeah?

David looks at Albert as though seeing him for the first time.

DAVID

Yeah...

Albert races onward. Back at the trench, Andrew waits - terrified - and then, back out of the mist step two men - heading back towards him. Then a third. They suddenly catch sight of Andrew waiting there with his gun pointed towards them. They slow down - in the terror of the assault, they had forgotten that death was waiting for them if they turned back. Time seems to slow down - Andrew shifts his gun from pointing at one - to the other - we see their individual faces. They are all just boys really. And suddenly, instinct hits Andrew - he charges up the ladder, and forward, firing - past the three men, towards the enemy. He chooses his death instead of theirs. A sudden barrage of machine gun fire all around him. Cut back to Albert, who makes his way to the edge of the shell hole. Bullets whizz inches from his head. He looks over to see a German machine gun position to his right. Bullets whizz past forcing him to duck. Andrew charges past other soldiers, ignoring their warnings.

RANDOM SOLDIER

Get down!

Albert continues forward to dive into another shell hole, nearer to the German line. He scrambles from shell hole to shell hole. Now he's very close to the machine gun position. Albert takes a grenade, fumbles with the pin as his hands tremble. He finally gets the pin out and he hurls the grenade at the machine gunner. We see the explosion and the machine gun stop. Albert sprints over the top again and makes it all the way into the German trench. Albert runs through the trench, which seems curiously empty. Albert swings round as he sees the startling face of a gasmasked German holding a rifle on him. Albert readies his bayonet but the man is dead, slumped backwards against the side of the trench still upright. Albert spins round, his bayonetted rifle in front of him, ready for action, but there is only the ghostly sight of dead German soldiers. Albert is alone, everyone else is dead. All the dead wear gas masks. More British soldiers drop into the trench, among them Andrew. He stumbles in the mud, drops his rifle, recovers it, and races through the trench. He glimpses Albert ahead of him, stalking through the mist. Andrew breaks into a smile and rushes forward, prompting Albert to whirl with his rifle raised.

ANDREW

NO!

Albert pauses just in time. Then he collapses against the side of the trench, overwhelmed.

ANDREW (CONT'D)

Albie.

Andrew grabs Albert and holds him up, embracing him. Albert can barely whisper:

ALBERT

We made it. We made it.

A moment later, the pair of them hurry through the trenches. Albert spots more comrades around a corner and calls ahead to Andrew.

ALBERT (CONT'D)

Andrew, this way out!

Suddenly ANOTHER SOLDIER leaps from a trench branch between them, shouting in panic.

SOLDIER

Gas! Gas! Gas!

An instant later, a gas cloud blasts through the trench. Andrew and Albert look in horror. It spreads towards them, too powerful to avoid. Andrew is closest, turns to Albert with a helpless -

ANDREW

Albie...

- before he takes the full power of it. An instant later, the white, deadly cloud encompasses Albert, too...'

 

 

This scene is very moving and I love how the actor manage to convey so much emotion even when they say just one word or no words at all. This has shown me the importance of creating a strong atmosphere and that you don't need massive blocks of dialogue to explain how a character is feeling. Sometimes, it is better for them to say nothing at all. This leads on to also demonstrate the importance of clear and well thought-out stage directions. Some lines are all about delivery and this example shows that well. In my monologue, I need to set the scene clearly and thoroughly and select my words and structures with great care. The imagery in the descriptions is beautiful and haunting at the same time ('the white, deadly cloud encompasses Albert') and I think this helps the audience to paint a clearer image in their heads and experience similar situations to the characters/ their reflections. What is said between these character is quite informal and you can tell that they know each other well and they are reliant on each other for support. It is quite personal because the reader feels like they have just experienced the war situation too but the reader is not directly spoken too or addressed. The speech is simple and minimalistic but every word is weighted with emotion and meaning.

My Second Style Model/ Source Material Part 1

For my second style model, I have chosen the film adaption of the Michael Morpurgo book 'War Horse' directed by Steven Spielberg. This is the first of two scenes which particularly caught my eye for various reasons explained below and in the next post.

 

Pg 85 War Horse Film Script- (visual directions/description)

 

This is an extract from the script of the film 'War Horse' which was originally a book written by Michael Morpurgo. The extract below is a section of visual directions that describes the scene and I chose to use it because I think that it paints a very clear image and manages to build suspense well. This section of the film is where Joey, the horse, escapes the German's hold and runs away into the thick of the war, on no-man's-land.

'He is suddenly in the thick of battle. A shell explodes next to him, and he leaps entirely over a trench. Another explosion sends him leaping, but not far enough – he finds himself crashing downwards, and into a trench - and he races through it - and finds himself charging towards a German company. Both sides are equally startled – Joey charging through a thin trench lined with German soldiers - the soldiers, finding a live horse careering through them. In desperation, Joey scrambles out of the trench - and once again, rushes away from the fighting...

But now it is very dark indeed - he is stumbling as he runs - there is blood mixed with the mud on his legs. Now it is total night - fog - confusion - he jumps again. And now everywhere there are potholes - the land is massively uneven - shells are exploding all around. And suddenly sees in front of him barbed wire. He crashes through it - more - he bursts through again - now dragging barriers behind him - the barriers tangle, pulling him up short - he flips and lands amongst even more barbed wire. He pulls and turns to release himself but it is impossible. The more he pulls, the more firmly he is trapped. He rises up, wild, magnificent, a beast fighting for his life. He is completely trapped. He cannot move. He cannot see. He is in pain. He falls. It feels like an end.'

 

 

Imagery is the most important part of this extract for me. The vast detail in descriptions and clear images produced make the scene so much more shocking than simply watching the movie alone. It is so easy to miss the instrumental details when you are just watching whereas in this description of the scene, you experience the pain, the adrenaline and the fear experienced by Joey, even though he is just a horse. Another feature that I really like about this extract is the sentence structure and use of simple word order and grammar. I know that these are just directions and not actual dialogue and therefore there was no need for it to be linguistically beautiful with sophisticated vocabulary etc. However, I feel that the simplicity of the language is more effective anyway in making the reader focus entirely on the scene being created instead of trying to make sense of what the writer has said. With the simple structure and language, the text can be read at a pace that accommodates the adrenaline and tension being created, allowing the reader to speed up and slowdown as they see fit. Another important reason why I have chosen this scene as one of my source materials is for it's information value. This allows me to envision what the atmosphere was like at the time and create more realistic images and scenes in my own piece of writing. This writing is very straight-forward and irect becaus eit is stating exactly what can be seen on screen. That said, it does make the extract more powerful because of it's use of repetition and onomatopeoia. Becasue this piece of writing is not supposed to be read and it is jsut written to describe the visual, it is quite impersonal and narrative.

My First Style Model/ Source Material

American Beauty (1999)
Screenwriter: Alan Ball

'As the film came to its end, Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) delivered a voice-over at the moment of his death (after being shot in the head by gay neighbour Colonel Fitts (Chris Cooper)), describing some of the meaningful experiences of his life (with a montage of images, some black and white from the past) - and despite his death, he expressed his feelings of "gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life":'

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all. It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout Camp, watching falling stars. (Gunshot) And yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street. (Gunshot) Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird. And Janie, and Janie. And Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry. You will someday."

 

I like this monologue, not only for it's relevant content for my idea, but also because of the structure and devises it uses. The use of similes and metaphors (eg. "My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst") creates images in the listeners' minds and allow the listener to feel more and experience the same emotion as the speaker. Another technique that I would like to make sure that I use in my writing is complicated to simple sentence structure. I find it very effective in building tension and bringing great attention to the details and also giving the impression of wisdom. And then switch to short sentences is blunt and frank and often signals a heightened level of emotion from the speaker. Whether it is excitement, dread, fear and sadness, changing the sentences structure keeps the emotion levels high and also makes your writing more interesting to read and listen to. The repetition of the name 'Janie' also indicates that she is important to the speaker.The use of anecdotes also brings emotions to the surface and makes a connection between the character and the audience. Anecdotes are often of things that people can relate to and they feel personal and intimate to listen to. I also like the layout and structure of this monologue and it is similar to the structure that I would like to use. It is non-linear and starts in the present, with flash-backs where the character is remembering, before returning back to the present for the end. In my monologue, I would like to include direct address as well to create a strong connection between the speaker and the listener/reader. Because of my objectives and my aim for this piece, I think that it is very important for me to create a strong bond and evoke a range of emotions from the audience. This monologue uses quite standard English but it has a fairly informal tone. As it is part of a movie, it was written to entertain. This movie is called American Beauty and this is the final scene of the movie. This monologue is rounding up the end of the film and i like how the lines  reflect the title of the movie ('it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world'). This monologue is easy to read but that doesn't make it dull, instead, the simplicity makes the reader/listener appreciate what the character is saying and allows them to focus on the message he is trying to relay. This simplicity also allows the reader to feel more because they are noticing the way the character is using descriptions that involve many of the senses. He talks about touching is Grandmother's hands and how they felt like paper and he talks about the heaviness in his heart. These exploit the reader's senses and allows them to experience the same things as the character.

Coursework Piece 1 Idea

For my first piece, I would like to write a monologue about a soldier's last moments before he dies in the trenches of WW1. I want to include reflections of his life and how he ended up where he is now. I am writing with the purpose of entertaining an audience of older theatre-goers and inform them of what it was like to  die in the war. In the end, I want the reader/listener to feel the soldier's pain, disorientation and desperation, to thin about how so many lives were taken and to know that their last thoughts are of those you love and not thoughts of hatred or vengeance.

Writing To Entertain

I made a prezi presentation about writing to entertain and the different types and formats of writing that you can produce under this area of study.

http://prezi.com/6veut56volxm/?utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=copy&rc=ex0share

Coursework Ideas and Devices

Through the last couple of lessons, we have been looking at the various different ways we could write our two pieces for coursework. We have looked at:

• Graduation speeches
• TED talks
• Stand-up comedy
• Monologues
• Vlogs
• Mental Floss
• Influenced novel extracts (eg. Pride and Prejudice --> Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)
• Political speeches
• Editorial articles
• Horrible Histories
• Recipes
• Books 'for Dummies'
• Soapbox

We found that many devices were necessary to produce a strong piece of writing whether it is intended to be spoken or not. We identified strengths in:

• Parallelism- ("do not ask what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country")
• Triplets/Trios/Triads
• Rhetorical Questions
• Anecdotes- (personal)
• Humour- (puns)
• Listing
• Rhythm in delivery- (timing)
• Complicated to simple sentence structure
• Emotive language and register
• Opinions
• Alliteration and Sibilance
• Direct Address ('you' 'we')
• Facts and Statistics